Episode 10: Sexual "Dysfunctions" as a Mirror and Messenger
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“A couple of different things can be at the root of premature ejaculation.
Sometimes it can be a feeling of being disempowered with a lover or in another area of your life. Feeling like you're out of control or like your life force is being sucked dry. So either figuratively or literally, if your job is sucking you dry, if your lover is sucking you dry, if you have a hard time standing up for yourself and maintaining a strong backbone, if there's things that you feel like you're being toppled by, then premature ejaculation can be a physical literal manifestation of feeling out of control in life.
It can also be a fear of intimacy where your body is ending the party sooner than you would like. Because your nervous system doesn't have the capacity to be vulnerable and stay in a deep state of connection with someone.”
“I often steer women away from vibrators, no shame in using them. But if you are wanting to increase sensitivity, if you're wanting to be able to orgasm with a lover, vibrators going to make that really hard to do because they don't resemble human touch.
And they can short circuit the system and make you feel super hypersensitive or numb. And if we want to re-sensitize to be available for more nuanced, subtle touch, and deeper connection with a lover's touch, then we want to try to step away from using so much speed and friction, and work to re-sensitize the body.”
“Relaxation and surrender are two key ingredients to orgasm. So if we're too tense or if we're too stuck in the head. Or if we're unwilling to release control, if going into that surrender place is too vulnerable for us, or we don't trust our partner or we don't trust ourselves, we're scared of what we're going to look like or what we're going to sound like or what our body is going to do.
Or just in general, we have a hard time relaxing our grip in life, and that can all play into struggling to orgasm.”