Why You Should Never Approach a Woman with the Opening Line "Are You Single?"

Important PSA: Why you should never approach a woman with the opening line "are you single?":

Single doesn't equal available. Asking if she's single presumptuously implies that if she is, she's willing and open to engaging you in some kind of romantic or sexual way. Just because she's not "taken" doesn't mean she's "up for grabs."

Which leads me to my next point: it's an objectifying question. You're making it very clear that you're interested in getting in her pants before you know anything about her other than your physiological response to her physical attraction.

Two problems with this:

It’s as sandpapery as plowing inside of a woman with no foreplay. There's no context, no opening or consent on her end, no curiosity or acknowledgment of who she is as a woman- just want YOU want from HER.

You're not respecting yourself or showing you have standards that aren't skin deep. Before you approach a woman with the goal of getting in her pants, don't you want to know if there's compatibility? You have no idea if she's rude, crazy or on a totally different page than you.

Adamantly trying to assert yourself as the best fit as a lover, for a job, etc, without taking the time to be curious and ask questions to feel out if it's actually a good fit for yourself demonstrates low self-worth and lack of authenticity, which kills attraction.

This line doesn't set you apart from the rest, not one bit. It's boring, overused & does nothing to demonstrate who you are & why she’d be interested in engaging you. Offer a glimpse of who you are, not what you think you want, in a way that can open a meaningful interaction, if she feels called to open.

Don’t expect that even if you do, she’ll respond with openness. A lot of women aren't open to being hit on in any given moment. It doesn't necessarily mean anything about you, but it's a boundary that needs to be respected.

Furthermore, non-monogamous relationships are becoming ever more common, so singleness isn’t a good way to gauge availability.

There are many types of availability. She may be open to a conversation but not friendship. A friendship but not a lover. A lover but not a relationship. Emotionally available but not sexually available or vice versa. Narrow-minded thinking about this term narrows your options.

Wouldn't you rather end up with an awesome new friend rather than nothing at all simply because you expanded your horizons and allowed a connection to unfold naturally, rather than trying to box it into your initial desires?

Guys, let go of the goal, get curious, & let your uniqueness shine through.