From Pressure to Pleasure: Overcoming Performance Anxiety

What’s your WHY behind sex? This might seem like a funny question, but it’s really helpful to examine

In our society, our desirability, our “performance” as a lover, and our ability to “get laid” can get really entangled with our sense of self-worth.

If we’re having sex to substantiate our self-worth, or to prove ourselves in some way, we can be much more afflicted by performance anxiety, which can cause all kinds of sexual “dysfunctions,” (I don’t like this term, & and I’ll talk about why in a later post), and can make sex much less enjoyable and connective.

Getting clear on our desire and intention behind why we’re engaging in sex, not just in general, but in each moment, with each lover, and each circumstance can be incredibly illuminating and empowering.

If our why involves substantiating our worth, proving ourselves in some way, perceived obligation, or fawning/not knowing how to say no, it’s probably not going to be a great experience for either person involved.

Even being goal-oriented in our why, like getting off, or giving our lover an orgasm, can cause us to miss the unique magic of each moment (I’ll speak more on this later as well).

What happens when you come to sex with a desire to connect more deeply, to express your passion, to know yourself & your lover in new ways, to deepen communication, to share a journey together, to explore pleasure & play, to heal, to awaken your vitality?

What kind of space could these intentions create for unexpected magic, flow & connection? How much more pleasure, presence & play could you immerse yourself in if you let go of pressure, performance & pretense?

I talk more about this and all about how to overcome performance anxiety in my episode of Nectar: Sex & Soul, “From Pressure to Pleasure: Overcoming Performance Anxiety”.