Distance makes the heart grow fonder and the fire of desire burn brighter
Distance makes the heart grow fonder and the fire of desire burn brighter. If you’ve ever wondered why the fire often goes from sizzling to fizzling, given enough time, here’s why:
While LOVE seeks union, two seemingly separate beings dissolving back into one, DESIRE needs space, a sense of separation, a longing for “other.”
Fire needs air to breathe and burn brightly.
A step away from something you’ve been intimately intertwined with for a long time (a person, a project, a lifestyle, a job) offers new perspective, things you didn’t see before, new curiosities. It breathes new life into things that have stagnated.
You cannot hunger for something you constantly have and are consistently full of and digesting.
When you spend too much time together and don’t have enough psychic space, you can start to lose sight of your “you-ness” as well as theirs.
When you do everything together, there’s nothing new (on the surface) to connect about. You CAN, however, dig deeper through co-creativity, new adventures, tantric practice, etc.
Even still, having your own friends, hobbies, projects, and ideally your own space that you get to make yours and have plenty of alone time within is essential! It brings so much new inspiration to share and connect upon.
Sleeping apart several nights a week is an excellent way to maintain psychic space and longing, no matter how delicious and tempting those snugz and morning love-making are (trust me, you will want them even more with nights apart!)
The opportunity to just feel YOURSELF outside the context of another person is essential to your own well-being, as well as the thriving and polarity of your relationship.
Taking this space is very helpful for preventing conflict, as well as for moving through it.
The art of magnetism is a discipline that requires acute awareness of the push and pull required to maintain individuality within your desire to merge in union.
There is a delicate pulse that governs polarity and passion, an ebb and flow that requires presence and awareness, so as not to slip into patterns of comfort and convenience that cause you to permanently melt into a puddle of oneness with no distinction of otherness to long for.
Like the viscerally satisfying release of the bass line dropping after the long building of tension, or the enlivening pulse between the hot spring and cold plunge, or your first meal after a fast, the weaving of lovers is a dance of polarity.
The paradox of polarity and the secret to unity is to stay true to yourself and enjoy the magic of magnetism.