Don't Be So Focused On the Destination That You Miss The Journey

Is orgasm on your "to-do list," a box you're eager to check off as another accomplishment of your day?

Is the success of your love-making determined by orgasm?

Is your self-worth hinging on your ability to give your lover an orgasm, or have one yourself?

One of the most difficult concepts for westerners to grasp about tantra is that of approaching love-making with intention, rather than a goal or agenda.

What's the difference?

A goal is an explicit target you are trying to hit- an orgasm, losing 15 pounds in 2 months, making $5,000 this month, etc. Goals are very beneficial in certain contexts.

Intention, on the other hand, is like planting a seed. You may know you're planting a tree, but the ways its branches will twist & turn you have no control over. You are allowing nature to work its magic.

Intentions in love-making could be presence, connection, union, receptivity, exploration, etc. There is an essence of curiosity & allowance that is in surrender to what wants to unfold, rather than trying to control the outcome.

Goals in the bedroom are counterproductive & can actually REPEL your desired outcome. They can create a tunnel vision that keeps you from taking in all the peripheral beauty & can add pressure that takes you out of the present (whether you are the one trying to give OR receive orgasm).

In tantric lovemaking, orgasm is a potential byproduct, not an expectation. Sex can be profoundly pleasurable, connective & fulfilling without ever resulting in orgasm for one or both people.

Without orgasm as a target, sex can blossom into an infinite spectrum of possibility & presence, becoming far more nourishing than what you had ever thought possible.

And paradoxically, this approach is far more likely to coax orgasm into coming out to play! And if it does, amazing! And if it doesn't? Purrrfect. Let go & enjoy the ride, allowing the currents of connection to take you where they will.

Now I will say, that if one partner's orgasm is often ending the party prematurely before their lover ever has the chance to have theirs, or if one partner is unwilling to give to their lover's pleasure, then sex can still be unfulfilling. The key here is having reciprocity & shared intention that is in alignment with both people's desires, which is a topic of its own I'll share soon.

And sometimes sex isn't even about pleasure, but rather intentionally, tenderly, lovingly working through pain, disconnection & trauma to heal blockages to pleasure. Therefore, even the expectation of pleasure can be denying the natural flow of the creative force of sexuality, which is another topic I'll share soon.

So beloveds, don't be so focused on the destination that you miss the journey. Sew seeds of love & let them grow & flow with a magic of their own you never knew was possible; for indeed, surrender is one of the essential keys to orgasm.