Why is it always the man’s job to do all the work?
Why is it always the man’s job to do all the work?
I'm asked this question often by men.
The answer is, It’s not. It’s a shame this has become the expectation so many men are burdened with.
"Performance" anxiety & the pressure to always know what you’re doing has been a crippling weight to carry for far too many men.
Even the term "performance anxiety" is problematic because it implies sex is a performance & it's not- it's play time!
But with the physiological reality that a man has to stay hard & last long enough for sex to sustain (even though this is just referring to intercourse, not the whole of sex) it can feel like a huge responsibility that women are lucky enough to not have to carry.
But let me tell you something: Women have their own weight to carry in the bedroom.
Many have trauma, numbness and pain. Many lack awareness of what their body is capable of. Many carry sexual shame. Many don't know how to speak to what they want, or even know what they want to begin with. Many feel rushed into sex faster than they would like, but don't have the tools to navigate it in a porn-programmed world.
EVERYONE has stuff to work thru sexually, and connecting with someone is a 2way street.
We ALL have the responsibility to do OUR own part and to communicate honestly with our partner about it. Projecting blame or whining about having it harder than the other sex or your lover isn't helpful. It doesn't get us anywhere.
Growth lies in getting to know our own bodies, learning the language of our own sexual energy and cultivating compassionate, honest communication to speak to our desires, draw healthy boundaries and listen to each other.
When you do your own part you're more resourced to show up as your best in a relationship and are also able to support your partner in doing their part.
When we acknowledge it takes 2 to tango and we're a TEAM working towards shared desires of connection, pleasure and healing, we can work together to support each other, rather than self-victimizing & projecting.
Thru self-responsibility, patience, compassion & teamwork that empowerment, trust and depth arise.