When Sex Unwittingly Becomes An Ego Battle

What happens when we approach sex as "playtime," rather than "show time?"

So many people treat sex like a performance, to the point that we use the term "sexual performance" to describe how someone shows up as a lover.

Our egos can get wrapped up in it, like we have something to prove about ourselves.

Of course we want to show up as the best lover we can, and tap into profound states of pleasure and connection, but ideally from a place of PLAYFULNESS rather than PERFORMANCE.

Yet most of us learned about sex through staged performances in movies or porn, and this has set the standard for how we are supposed to act and what we're supposed to look like.

While skill is certainly an important piece of knowing how to navigate these incredible and mysterious human bodies, our PRESENCE is what's most important. Trying to make sex a performance takes us out of the present experience.

When sex unwittingly becomes an ego battle, rather than a connective act of presence, it becomes far less fun, and we can get stuck in our heads and feel so much more pressure than pleasure.

Curiosity, exploration and light-hearted playfulness are essential to having fun with your lover! Sometimes love-making is more deep and serious, but hopefully from a place of heart and soul rather than ego.

Tuning in with your WHY behind sex can be really helpful for overcoming this problem.

Are you using sex to substantiate your self-worth or impress your lover?

Or is it a playground for saucy, sexy, sensual expression of love and lust for each other, a means to know each other more deeply and connect in a way that words can flirt with but never fully grasp?

Feel your WHY, don't take yourself so seriously, and the rest will follow.